Know your Inner Voice and STOP self sabotage - the Inner Critic explained
Have you ever wondered if you're being the best version of yourself, producing your best work?
We spend almost half of our lives talking to ourselves, and this internal dialogue isn't always nice.
In fact, much of what we say to ourselves is blocking our personal and professional fulfillment... it influences all aspects of our lives. We don't realize that we are self-sabotaging!
Without realizing our potential, we continue to live in mediocrity, determined by the internal critical voice that tells us “you can't”; to lose the battle of words that goes on in our heads. We need to master these negative inner voices!!
Because how we treat ourselves determines how others treat us…
In this article, we are going to start the process of changing the pattern of thoughts that are preventing us from thriving, and for that:
we are going to understand what the inner critic is,
how it was formed, where this inner voice comes from
and we are going to take the first step toward transforming this negative voice into a useful, healthy voice.
What is the Inner Critic
We call inner critic to the pattern of destructive thoughts that took root in our minds.
It consists of negative thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes that oppose our best interests and undermine our self-esteem.
This critic began to take shape during our childhood. Now it's part of our inner voice that, even with the best of intentions, ended up turning against us.
It has become our worst enemy.
How the inner critic defines our life
This internal dialogue, automatic and persistent, can be directed to ourselves or to others.
And it's the source of many of our self-destructive behaviors.
It nourishes mistrust, self-criticism, renunciation, addictions, activities without a productive objective,…
It consumes our attention and makes it difficult to focus on productive problem-solving.
It perpetuates stress when you continually ruminate on a particular subject... and chronic stress has an effect on physical health.
And it doesn't stop with us... it "warns us" about others, creating friction in relationships and critical and cynical attitudes. The world becomes negative, without meaning.
It tells us things like:
"You're a loser, a loser!"
“Who do you think you are, you will never be successful”
"You don't know what you're doing"
It is an uncompromising voice, it generalizes, it does not take into account the nuances of the situation, it uses words like all or nothing, always or never, all or no one.
How the inner critic was formed
Porter Robinson - Mirror
All of our inner voices were once outer voices.
But now these voices have become our own.
The way we were seen growing up, the attitudes towards us as children, and the way our caregivers saw themselves, shaped the way we see ourselves. We internalized it, it became engraved in our nervous system.
The inner critic emerged to defend us from a hostile environment, to reassure us that we could trust those who cared for us.
Parents, caregivers, siblings, peers, society... when we grow up we carry with us these influences that are now part of our self-image.
Even if we don't have conscious memory of these past episodes, their implicit memory influences our current behavior.
We don't even realize when we go to get this information from the hidden archives of the mind.
The implicit memory of negative experiences can create distortion in the perception of current reality, rigid thoughts, or maladaptive decision-making patterns.
And these voices pass from generation to generation, like a hereditary disease...
How we speak to our children becomes their inner voice.
What can trigger the inner critic
The inner critic is triggered when implicit memories that define the present come to the surface, in situations such as:
someone close to us is a source of pain/discomfort: the world is a cruel place
our needs or expectations are denied: and the inner voice tells us “no one loves you”
we are exposed, in public or in a relationship, and we fear the other's opinion: triggers the fear of rejection
we are facing a figure that represents authority: that makes us feel like a fraud
we fail our goals: which becomes an absolute statement that we will never achieve anything
It's important that you realize that it's not so much the external world that defines these feelings, but the thought patterns internalized throughout a lifetime.
"There is someone who is always watching you... That someone is you!"
It's up to you to decide whether to let this observer be a critic with prejudices based on the past, or connected with reality and capable of healthy self-criticism.
Transform this negative voice into a useful one
What would you say to me if I were the one talking to you the same way you talk to yourself?: if I told you something like:
you're better off alone
they are going to abandon you
you can't
you are disgraceful
You would probably tell me: "Stop!!!
Who are you to talk to me like that?"
So... why do you let your inner voice talk to you this way?
The first step towards transforming this negative voice into a healthy and useful voice has been taken:
what we've done, throughout this video, is become aware that it exists.
You might wonder if your inner critic is the reason behind some less-than-adequate behavior.
If he is stern with you or if he appears in the guise of a treacherously soothing voice.
Remember that the way we were treated as a child or in the defining moments of our development, has become our inner voice, and the implicit memory of negative experiences is creating a distortion of reality.
But don't feel alone, each one of us has our own triggers, and we all know the inner critic...
You shouldn't let your inner voice speak to you like that.
It is possible to transform thought patterns, even the most deeply rooted ones,
and that's what we'll explore in the next video.
Be gentle with yourself,
see you soon.
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